The first time you have sex is different for everyone.

You and your partner decide together what you want to do. You do not need to have sexual intercourse. If you do not feel ready, you do not have to do it. You can have sex in many different ways.

Try to relax. Taking your time can help.

Make sure nobody can disturb you. You will be more relaxed.

Make sure you are both aroused enough. Stimulate each other, for example by exploring each other’s body.

Talk to each other about what you like and what you do not like.

A boy and a girl having sex for the first time.

If it hurts a bit

It may hurt a bit the first time you have sexual intercourse. There can be different reasons for this:

  • A woman will be less aroused if she feels scared or insecure. Her vagina will remain too dry and her pelvic floor muscles will contract. This means her vagina will be too tight which makes penetration difficult or impossible. Try to relax.
  • The foreskin of the man’s penis may be too tight and not slide well over the glans. You can make this better by regularly pulling the foreskin over the glans. If the pain remains, you should go to the doctor. Men who have been circumcised no longer have a foreskin.


You will only discover what you both like and how and when you can have an orgasm after some time. You do not always need to have an orgasm. Get to know each other better and gain experience.

More information or help needed?

CAW - Centrum Algemeen Welzijn
Centre for general well-being - Help with all kinds of issues: a difficult relationship, medical, financial, administrative, legal or material problems, family problems,... CAWs also provide assistance to victims of violence and abuse. Find a CAW in your neighbourhood:
Family doctor
You can talk to a family doctor about almost every intimate issue. If necessary the family doctor can refer you to a specialised health professional. Find a family doctor in your neighbourhood:
You can visit a family doctor in a community health centre. Other care professionals such as nurses and social workers also work at community health centres. Care is provided free of charge. Find a community health centre in your neighbourhood:
Planning Marolles
Medical and psychological care, information about contraception, virginity and sexuality and abortion centre
02 511 29 90
Rutgershuis Oost
Anonymous medical care and information about contraception, virginity and sexuality
+31 26 4422593, +31 26 4436457
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